We thought it would be a great opportunity to feature Jen Kirsch, one of our favourite socialites and a Toronto-based Relationship Expert and ask her advice on dating and love as our Hip + Urban Girl of the Week. Say hello to Jen everyone.
How did you become a relationship expert?
It happened in the most organic way possible, how most things do when they are meant to be. I’ve always had a knack for advising friends and family, and once I started my blog Blonde, Bronzed, Twentysomething, I really found a niche for myself in the relationship world. After paying my dues in the blogging world, I started hearing from publications I only ever dreamed of writing for, such as ELLE, and the rest is history.
In your opinion, what is the biggest mistake women make when dating?
They fall for the idea of someone as opposed to the actual person. It’s important to see people for who they really are and to always trust your instincts. If something throws you off early on, instead of making excuses, do something about it.
What’s your take on internet dating?
I think it’s a great way for those who are extremely busy and don’t have too much time to be social to meet another half. For those who are concerned of the online dating stigma, I suggest using Facebook as a dating tool. It’s a great way to contact someone without the same pressure and expectations that come with a site specific to dating. Just drop someone a private message and take it from there.
For those who have tried everything – what’s the best way to meet someone?
It sounds counterintuitive, but I’d say to stop looking. I find that relationships come about when you aren’t looking to add something to your life, because you are already fulfilled on your own. Relationships work best when the person acts as a bonus to your life, but doesn’t ‘make’ your life. You need not give your power away. Since like attracts like, it’s important to do that which makes you happy; by doing that you’ll attract a like-minded, healthy mate.
|Breakfast Television in Toronto|
Although there are many major boy hangouts across our city, I want to bring attention to the fact that it can be intimidating to approach a guy if he’s sitting with a group of friends, on an eve out with the boys. I would suggest, however, going to a place that you’re interested in. Think: yoga studio, to see a band you love, a jazz bar, a wine bar, a sporting event, etc., to find someone who is like-minded. It’s not so much about the destination, but about the people who are interested in the same things as you.
What are the most common tell tale signs that it's time to move on?
When you’re sad more often than happy. When you have to question everything you say or do for fear that if you do the wrong thing, he’ll end it. When you have that tell-tale feeling at the pit of your stomach that something is off. When everyone close to you tells you you should; we often are blinded by our situation when within it so it’s important to realize that when a variety of people are telling you the same thing, it’s probably true.
|Jen on Canada AM with Scott Laurie|
I studied Journalism at Ryerson and took a plethora of psychology courses to compliment the topics I was most interested in. I have also taken courses since graduating in mindfulness and therapy. I wouldn’t do anything differently.
What is your typical day like?
The second I wake up my mind starts playing a reel of story ideas that I just need to get onto paper immediately. If I’m not shooting a segment at Canada AM that morning, I’ll get up, brush up, throw on a crazy, creativity-inducing outfit and head to a café of choice to soak up my psyche and write my heart out. The spot that breeds the most creativity for me in Toronto is Ezra’s Pound, though I’ve had to change up the cafes in which I frequent since I end up spending more time coaching people about their relationships than I do writing and meeting my deadlines. I maintain a daily yoga practice on top of all my deadlines and TV appearances. I learned very early on that the secret to success is to have a balance between work and my own life.
Where would you go on your dream vacation?
I’m sure what I envision as my dream vacation is ever changing based on my circumstances in the moment. This month for example, I went on a yoga retreat in Jamaica, where I got to practice under my most influential instructor day in and day out under the hot, invigorating sun. Who knows what my dream getaway holds, though I’m hopeful it’s with a plus one somewhere sunny and sandy where we can both unplug for a whole week together. That exists, right? Insert: heart melting here.
What would you tell your 20 year-old self?
That everything that is about to happen is all part of the plan. We don’t ever seem to realize why things happen to us; why they play out the way they do until much later on. I’m so grateful for all my experiences during my twentysomethings and wouldn’t change but a thing.
What life advice do you have for hip + urban girls out there trying to figure out what they want to do?
To stop putting off their passion for fear they won’t succeed; for fear that they won’t profit. An amazing thing happens when you keep on keeping on. Everything works out how it is meant to, and if you do that in which you love, it makes all the days filled with that much more nectar.
Loved This? Meet a few other Hip + Urban Girls of the Week!